Total vulnerability

I believe in allowing yourself to be vulnerable. I believe that we as people who want to grow, to learn, to live, we have choose vulnerability. Being closed off is as good as being dead. Not living our truth is as good as not living at all. Who you are, where you’ve been and how it’s shaped you is your gift to this world.

I believe that boudoir is powerful because of vulnerability. But we can be vulnerable in other ways.

I have a confession. I have spent most of the last year hiding a part of my truth. A part that I have been ashamed to admit. A part that hurts my heart in many ways.

As those who follow me regularly know, I got divorced last year. What you don’t know is why.

The last few years of my marriage were very difficult. My husband had grown to resent me, and to resent decisions that we had made together. And he took it out on me. He took it out on me verbally. He accused me of things that weren’t true, he called me names, he made me feel as though I was worthless. And he even used that word once: worthless.

Words matter. What you say to people matters. That word, worthless, mattered a lot.

Do I hold some of the blame for the end of my marriage? Absolutely. Did I make mistakes? You bet I did. Did I deserve that word? Absolutely not. No one does.

I chose to leave, to end it. I chose to be strong for my kids. I chose to stand up for myself and not be treated that way anymore. It was truly terrifying because I had spent 20 years of my life with that man. That’s a pretty big change.

Is he a bad guy? No. Do I resent him? No. But he wasn’t the husband I want or need, and I clearly wasn’t the wife he wanted.

It’s hard for me to admit that I put up with those words for as long as I did. Several years was WAY too long. It’s hard for me to admit that I chose to be weak for so long.

So what helped me change?

Actually it was you. It was my supporters, my clients, and the many strong and amazing women that I’ve surrounded myself with. I found my strength in you. In your vulnerability, your truth, your power.

Vulnerability. It changes everything. It empowers.

Stepping out on a limb

I have a confession: I’m easily intimidated by other people.  I’m told I come off as super confident, but inside, I’m a shaking, quaking mess.

I attend a lot of public networking events and things like that to promote what I do.  They make me sick to my stomach!  I literally give myself a pep talk every time I pull into the parking lot for one and talk myself into getting out of the car.  That is why what I’m about to tell you is So awesome!

A few weeks ago, I spoke at one of these events.  I spoke about bullshit.  I try really hard to make this a bullshit free zone, which is why I made the confession at the beginning of this post.  How can I expect you to trust me, if I’m not 100% honest with you about who I am, and what I stand for?

I would love to hear what you think about my talk, and if you’d like to be my guest for a monthly meeting of Sparks Talks, let me know.  I’d be glad to have you!