Four ways our self-worth is impacted

Self-worth. We tend to think of it in terms of self-esteem, but self-worth is much more than how we feel about ourselves. I think self-worth is an action. It’s how we treat ourselves, how we speak to ourselves and how we allow others to treat and speak to us.

I have struggled with this A LOT. I stayed in a marriage where the things that were said to me were extremely unkind, to the point that they colored what I said to myself. I have said unthinkable things to myself, I have devalued myself in what I believe I’m worth to world and I have allowed others to devalue me.

I think self-worth is a hard one because it requires us to stand up for ourselves, against our own demons and against the actions of others. Sometimes we have allowed ourselves to feel so devalued that standing up is a monumental task. And the ways that others devalue us can be small, and it’s easy to “let them slide” initially. But the problem with letting it slide, even once, is that it quickly becomes a habit, until we have allowed that person to have no value of us. And when others stop valuing us, we stop valuing ourselves.

I challenge you to value yourself, to yourself and to others. But to do that, we first have to consider the ways in which we are devalued. So let’s talk about some of the most common ways.

1. We don’t honor commitments we make to ourselves. (Guilty!) I promised myself I would make a point of meditating for at least 10 minutes every single day. I made this promise to myself because I know how good it is for my soul to take some time to quiet my mind. Have I been doing it lately? No. Not honoring that commitment diminishes my self-worth.

2. We say terrible things to ourselves. Why? Of all the horrible things strangers on the internet are willing to say to each other, why on earth would we do that to ourselves? (I’m not smart enough, pretty enough, I’m fat, I’m not worthy, not enough, not…) PLEASE, just stop already. Stop beating yourself up.

3. We allow other people to say terrible things to us. If you find yourself spending time with someone who is constantly telling you everything that is wrong with you, cut that person out of your life. Seriously, no one needs that.

4. We don’t respect our own time, and we allow others not to respect our time. That one friend who always forces you to wait on them? Maybe you should spend less time with them. Maybe they don’t deserve your time if they aren’t willing to be respectful of it. This goes for clients too. Appointments are made for specific times. Emergencies happen, but if a particular client has lots of emergencies, well, they don’t really have emergencies, they just don’t respect you.

There are more, but these first four are the biggies. Concentrate on these, and your self-worth is bound to see a positive impact.

When were you last scared?

When is the last time you did something that scared you? I don’t mean scared you a little, but really put yourself out there, lots of people are gonna see this, scared the crap out of you? I did that very thing today.

You see, I’m working on a new project. A project that requires me to use myself as a model. A project that will be available world-wide once it’s complete. Now, I get in front of the camera occasionally for this blog so I can show my clients that anyone can do this boudoir thing. While my website is technically available for the whole world, the whole world doesn’t see it. In fact, it only gets seen by a very small percent of people because what I do is location specific and pretty damn targeted. Unless your looking for what I do, you likely won’t just stumble onto my page.

This project is different. This project, when complete, will be available on a highly used, world wide education platform. Yikes! So, I’m a tad bit nervous about the whole thing. But here’s the thing, this project will help enable my dreams. And the truth is, the things that will take us to the next level are almost always terrifying. This is why most people never level up in real life. Because fear holds them back. Fear controls the next move.

What do you really want to do that fear is stopping you from you doing? What is that thing that will change you? What is the thing that will change your situation? What part of that thing is scaring you? And what will happen if you swallow your fear and do that thing anyway? What will you gain?

Whatever that thing is, I want to encourage you to push through the fear and make it happen. I’m learning that a big part of taking care of myself is pushing myself to get out there are really chase down my dreams. I don’t want to leave this world with regrets, and letting fear dictate my path would be a huge regret for me.

Do the damn thing

It’s a new year which can mean new beginnings.  Often it doesn’t.  Change is hard and we often have the desire to do it, but don’t take the action required to follow through on that desire.  I know I’ve been guilty of exactly that many times over.  It seems like we need to be just totally over something before we take the necessary steps to change it.  Not a little done, not just tired of it.  We have to be absolutely, over the top, beyond finished with living a certain way before we will make real change in our lives.

Do you know why that is?  I do.

It’s a combination of fear and complacency.  We don’t really want to do to do the work that it’ll take to make whatever change it is, and we’re terrified of what will happen if we actually succeed.  What if lose the weight?  Will my friends still be my friends?  What if I start that dream job?  Will I find out it isn’t really my dream?  Or worse yet, what if I make the money I want to make?  Will it make me a bad person?

Fear and complacency.

I personally am a little bit of a perfectionist.  I tend to feel like I need to plan things out fully before I begin them, and they can’t be shown to the world until they are perfect.  Do you know what that results in?  Nothing.  Absolutely nothing.  I let all those little details get in the way of actually accomplishing the thing I wanted to accomplish.  If I don’t have it all planned out, I never start it.  If I start it, I don’t finish it because it’s not good enough.  This year, I’m not letting perfection get in the way anymore.

What does that mean exactly?

It means more blog posts with typos.  It means an education series I’ve been sitting on for at least the last year will finally see that light of day.  It means putting myself out there with all my imperfect-ness.  It means showing up more, and spending less time on getting there.  It means doing the damn thing, whatever that thing is.

I challenge you to join me in this, to call me out if you see me failing to show up. I challenge you to show up more for yourself, and whatever thing you’ve been putting off doing because you think you’re not ready, to do the damn thing anyway.

I’ve been doing this mom thing as a single mom for almost three years now, and you know what the number one thing I’ve learned is?  That showing up with passion means more than having it be perfect; every. single. time.  That fast food on the way to an awesome experience is enough, because the experience matters more than what we eat for that one meal.  Running a few minutes late to the Christmas pageant is okay, because I still made it to see my baby do their part.  Showing up, and being fully present in the moment, is the most important part.

I show up for my kids, and I show up for others everyday and this year I’m gonna do a whole lot more showing up for myself.  Will you join me? Will you do the damn thing already?