Duct tape, miracles and tears

I am one of those women who cries when I’m mad.  It’s one of the things I want to change about myself.  For a long time that was because I thought it made me look weak, but now it’s because those tears give a false sense of what I’m feeling.

I am at a place in life where I know that tears aren’t weakness.  In fact, they are brave in many ways.  Allowing someone else to see your pain is hard.  Sharing your pain with another human being is incredibly vulnerable, but it’s also incredibly liberating.  It allows us to connect on a very visceral level, something we lack most days.  So many of our interactions just barely scratch the surface of emotion that our connection to one another has become very weak.

I’m a single mom, business owner, friend and attempted super woman.  I say attempted because it’s simply not possible to be all things to all people.  I used to try so hard to look as though I had it all together, but the truth is that some days I feel like my life is held together by duct tape and miracles.  The last few years since my divorce I have learned just how powerful honesty and vulnerability can be.  I’ve grown as a person from allowing myself to be vulnerable, but so have my relationships with other people.  I’ve found support and kindness in places I never expected, all because I allowed people to see inside the mask I used to hide behind.

I am far from weak.  In fact, I’m stronger than most of the people I know.  I truly believe vulnerability is the reason why.  More than anything, I strive to be authentic, which is exactly why those angry tears bother me so much.  Those tears lead people to believe I’m sad, when in fact I’m furious beyond reason.  It feels like a fraudulent act, like a child pretending to be upset so they’ll get their way.  I want to convey exactly how I’m feeling, not muddy the waters with unintended tears that I can’t control.

What about you, do you sometimes react to situations in an unintended way?  Does it make you feel inauthentic?

10 things I love about serving women

I love my job.  It’s not just a job or just my business,  but a labor of love and service.

Service.

Maybe that sounds strange, but I see what I do as taking care of you; your confidence, your sense of sensuality, your soul.  I choose to serve women (and some men) because I understand what you need, and I want to give it to you.  Why do I choose to serve you?  I compiled a little list:

  1. Your nervous laughter.  I know your afraid you can’t do this when you step into my dressing room for the first time.  I also know your about blossom in front of my eyes.
  2. That moment when you relax (about 20 frames into the session) and you start to embrace it.  The gleam in your eyes, the breath through parted lips, and connection you make with my lens.  I know your about to let me capture something amazing, that will make you incredibly proud.
  3. Your bravery and trust.  You barely know me, but when I ask about fixing a strap or a stray piece of hair, you quickly tell me to just do it, you trust me.  I take that trust very seriously, and I honor it.
  4. The excitement in your eyes when I act all silly and dance around at a shot I know is absolutely perfect! (I can’t hide my excitement either.)
  5. The look on your face when you see your finished images for the first time.  The tear that’s often shed at how beautiful you look.  I can’t even put that feeling into words.
  6. The way you feel when you leave my studio, your head held a little higher.  Your pride at the inner woman you’d forgotten was there, and the awesomeness she possesses.
  7. When I look at you I see myself, and every woman I’ve ever known.  I see the self-criticism and list of faults, and I want to help you forget them.
  8. You are amazing, strong, passionate, sensual, and fabulous.  I want you to know it.
  9. I want to help you embrace who you are, so together we can help our daughters embrace who they are.
  10. You are important.

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