Four ways our self-worth is impacted

Self-worth. We tend to think of it in terms of self-esteem, but self-worth is much more than how we feel about ourselves. I think self-worth is an action. It’s how we treat ourselves, how we speak to ourselves and how we allow others to treat and speak to us.

I have struggled with this A LOT. I stayed in a marriage where the things that were said to me were extremely unkind, to the point that they colored what I said to myself. I have said unthinkable things to myself, I have devalued myself in what I believe I’m worth to world and I have allowed others to devalue me.

I think self-worth is a hard one because it requires us to stand up for ourselves, against our own demons and against the actions of others. Sometimes we have allowed ourselves to feel so devalued that standing up is a monumental task. And the ways that others devalue us can be small, and it’s easy to “let them slide” initially. But the problem with letting it slide, even once, is that it quickly becomes a habit, until we have allowed that person to have no value of us. And when others stop valuing us, we stop valuing ourselves.

I challenge you to value yourself, to yourself and to others. But to do that, we first have to consider the ways in which we are devalued. So let’s talk about some of the most common ways.

1. We don’t honor commitments we make to ourselves. (Guilty!) I promised myself I would make a point of meditating for at least 10 minutes every single day. I made this promise to myself because I know how good it is for my soul to take some time to quiet my mind. Have I been doing it lately? No. Not honoring that commitment diminishes my self-worth.

2. We say terrible things to ourselves. Why? Of all the horrible things strangers on the internet are willing to say to each other, why on earth would we do that to ourselves? (I’m not smart enough, pretty enough, I’m fat, I’m not worthy, not enough, not…) PLEASE, just stop already. Stop beating yourself up.

3. We allow other people to say terrible things to us. If you find yourself spending time with someone who is constantly telling you everything that is wrong with you, cut that person out of your life. Seriously, no one needs that.

4. We don’t respect our own time, and we allow others not to respect our time. That one friend who always forces you to wait on them? Maybe you should spend less time with them. Maybe they don’t deserve your time if they aren’t willing to be respectful of it. This goes for clients too. Appointments are made for specific times. Emergencies happen, but if a particular client has lots of emergencies, well, they don’t really have emergencies, they just don’t respect you.

There are more, but these first four are the biggies. Concentrate on these, and your self-worth is bound to see a positive impact.

It’s finally here…

I know I’ve been absent from my blog here lately but it’s for a very good reason. I was finishing up my book “The Business of Confidence”. And now it’s finally ready!

It’s no secret that I love what I do but the reasons for that are often misunderstood. This book is all about why I do this, how I got here and what the boudoir experience does for all of us. I truly hope you’ll take the opportunity to check it out.

I’ve been a writer my whole life but had never put those skills to use in this way. Publishing a book is pretty scary and exhilarating all at the same time. I’ve included a lot of my personal journey in this book, which makes me feel extremely vulnerable. Vulnerability is how we grow though, so I’m very glad I did it.

Please check out my book on Amazon HERE.

Stepping out on a limb

I have a confession: I’m easily intimidated by other people.  I’m told I come off as super confident, but inside, I’m a shaking, quaking mess.

I attend a lot of public networking events and things like that to promote what I do.  They make me sick to my stomach!  I literally give myself a pep talk every time I pull into the parking lot for one and talk myself into getting out of the car.  That is why what I’m about to tell you is So awesome!

A few weeks ago, I spoke at one of these events.  I spoke about bullshit.  I try really hard to make this a bullshit free zone, which is why I made the confession at the beginning of this post.  How can I expect you to trust me, if I’m not 100% honest with you about who I am, and what I stand for?

I would love to hear what you think about my talk, and if you’d like to be my guest for a monthly meeting of Sparks Talks, let me know.  I’d be glad to have you!

https://sparkstalk.com/they-many-types-of-bs-jennifer-bartlett-phelps-sparks-february-2016/

10 things I love about serving women

I love my job.  It’s not just a job or just my business,  but a labor of love and service.

Service.

Maybe that sounds strange, but I see what I do as taking care of you; your confidence, your sense of sensuality, your soul.  I choose to serve women (and some men) because I understand what you need, and I want to give it to you.  Why do I choose to serve you?  I compiled a little list:

  1. Your nervous laughter.  I know your afraid you can’t do this when you step into my dressing room for the first time.  I also know your about blossom in front of my eyes.
  2. That moment when you relax (about 20 frames into the session) and you start to embrace it.  The gleam in your eyes, the breath through parted lips, and connection you make with my lens.  I know your about to let me capture something amazing, that will make you incredibly proud.
  3. Your bravery and trust.  You barely know me, but when I ask about fixing a strap or a stray piece of hair, you quickly tell me to just do it, you trust me.  I take that trust very seriously, and I honor it.
  4. The excitement in your eyes when I act all silly and dance around at a shot I know is absolutely perfect! (I can’t hide my excitement either.)
  5. The look on your face when you see your finished images for the first time.  The tear that’s often shed at how beautiful you look.  I can’t even put that feeling into words.
  6. The way you feel when you leave my studio, your head held a little higher.  Your pride at the inner woman you’d forgotten was there, and the awesomeness she possesses.
  7. When I look at you I see myself, and every woman I’ve ever known.  I see the self-criticism and list of faults, and I want to help you forget them.
  8. You are amazing, strong, passionate, sensual, and fabulous.  I want you to know it.
  9. I want to help you embrace who you are, so together we can help our daughters embrace who they are.
  10. You are important.

Why Boudoir?

I get asked all the time why Boudoir?  Why specialize in this specific genre?  The answer is simple: confidence.

 As women, we are constantly barraged with images in the media of beautiful women with perfect bodies, and we’re constantly made to feel like less.  We are told we should be a certain size, look a certain way, act a certain way.  Our sexuality is something used to sell products, instead of a part of our souls.  If we embrace it we’re slutty, if we deny it, we’re prudish.  It’s a double edged sword.

I believe our sexuality is a very important part of who we are.  It’s what makes us women.  Our curvy bodies, our soft skin, our shapely thighs.  Many of us, myself included, have struggled for much of our lives to be comfortable in our skin.  Too believe we are beautiful and sexy no matter the curve of our waistline.  I  show women just how amazing and beautiful they really are.  Boudoir gives us all a chance to embrace an often denied persona, to be and feel like the woman we’ve always wished we could.  It allows us to accept the everyday goddess within.  To see her in all her glory, accept and love her.

 Everyone is nervous when they first walk into my studio, but when they walk out they all say the same thing, “I’ve never felt so great about myself”.  And this is before they’ve seen the first image.  You don’t have to have the perfect body, you just have to be you.  To allow yourself to embrace who you are, and what is beautiful and sexy about you.  There is a huge confidence boost that comes out of the Boudoir session, that many women don’t expect.  They leave my studio feeling empowered by their bodies, many for the first time in their lives.  I can’t think of anything more rewarding.

Boudoir is about taking control of your sexuality, embracing that it’s part of who you are, and making it your own.  And most of all, it’s about showing yourself that you are a beautiful, vibrant, sexy woman.

Bitnami