When were you last scared?

When is the last time you did something that scared you? I don’t mean scared you a little, but really put yourself out there, lots of people are gonna see this, scared the crap out of you? I did that very thing today.

You see, I’m working on a new project. A project that requires me to use myself as a model. A project that will be available world-wide once it’s complete. Now, I get in front of the camera occasionally for this blog so I can show my clients that anyone can do this boudoir thing. While my website is technically available for the whole world, the whole world doesn’t see it. In fact, it only gets seen by a very small percent of people because what I do is location specific and pretty damn targeted. Unless your looking for what I do, you likely won’t just stumble onto my page.

This project is different. This project, when complete, will be available on a highly used, world wide education platform. Yikes! So, I’m a tad bit nervous about the whole thing. But here’s the thing, this project will help enable my dreams. And the truth is, the things that will take us to the next level are almost always terrifying. This is why most people never level up in real life. Because fear holds them back. Fear controls the next move.

What do you really want to do that fear is stopping you from you doing? What is that thing that will change you? What is the thing that will change your situation? What part of that thing is scaring you? And what will happen if you swallow your fear and do that thing anyway? What will you gain?

Whatever that thing is, I want to encourage you to push through the fear and make it happen. I’m learning that a big part of taking care of myself is pushing myself to get out there are really chase down my dreams. I don’t want to leave this world with regrets, and letting fear dictate my path would be a huge regret for me.

Do the damn thing

It’s a new year which can mean new beginnings.  Often it doesn’t.  Change is hard and we often have the desire to do it, but don’t take the action required to follow through on that desire.  I know I’ve been guilty of exactly that many times over.  It seems like we need to be just totally over something before we take the necessary steps to change it.  Not a little done, not just tired of it.  We have to be absolutely, over the top, beyond finished with living a certain way before we will make real change in our lives.

Do you know why that is?  I do.

It’s a combination of fear and complacency.  We don’t really want to do to do the work that it’ll take to make whatever change it is, and we’re terrified of what will happen if we actually succeed.  What if lose the weight?  Will my friends still be my friends?  What if I start that dream job?  Will I find out it isn’t really my dream?  Or worse yet, what if I make the money I want to make?  Will it make me a bad person?

Fear and complacency.

I personally am a little bit of a perfectionist.  I tend to feel like I need to plan things out fully before I begin them, and they can’t be shown to the world until they are perfect.  Do you know what that results in?  Nothing.  Absolutely nothing.  I let all those little details get in the way of actually accomplishing the thing I wanted to accomplish.  If I don’t have it all planned out, I never start it.  If I start it, I don’t finish it because it’s not good enough.  This year, I’m not letting perfection get in the way anymore.

What does that mean exactly?

It means more blog posts with typos.  It means an education series I’ve been sitting on for at least the last year will finally see that light of day.  It means putting myself out there with all my imperfect-ness.  It means showing up more, and spending less time on getting there.  It means doing the damn thing, whatever that thing is.

I challenge you to join me in this, to call me out if you see me failing to show up. I challenge you to show up more for yourself, and whatever thing you’ve been putting off doing because you think you’re not ready, to do the damn thing anyway.

I’ve been doing this mom thing as a single mom for almost three years now, and you know what the number one thing I’ve learned is?  That showing up with passion means more than having it be perfect; every. single. time.  That fast food on the way to an awesome experience is enough, because the experience matters more than what we eat for that one meal.  Running a few minutes late to the Christmas pageant is okay, because I still made it to see my baby do their part.  Showing up, and being fully present in the moment, is the most important part.

I show up for my kids, and I show up for others everyday and this year I’m gonna do a whole lot more showing up for myself.  Will you join me? Will you do the damn thing already?

Fear, vulnerability, and letting go


I don’t photograph nature very often, but I do spend a lot of time outdoors, and I take a lot of inspriation from being outside. When I’m photographing, I prefer to be in my studio with studio lighting, because that is where I have the most control, and therefor, where I feel most at ease. Despite that control, I also feel extremely vulnerable there, and I’d like to tell you about that.

I know that walking through my door for a session takes a ton of courage on my client’s part. But you are not the only one who feels vulnerable. You are not the only one exposing yourself. And you definitely are not the only one who feels fear.

I have been photographing women long enough to know exactly what it takes to get good images of you, but that doesn’t stop me from being terrified with each new face that walks through my door. You see, I feel just as vulnerable as you do. I take my job very seriously, and I want you to leave feeling amazing about yourself, and feeling beautiful and empowered. If I screw up, that doesn’t happen. The thing I fear most in my job is letting you down.

The tree you see pictured resides in my backyard. It’s a magnolia tree. Every spring it blooms these huge, gorgeous pink blossoms, and it fills the air with a downright heavenly smell. The blooms last for only about 2 weeks, and then it sheds those petals into a beautiful carpet of pale pink on the ground. It’s the perfect metaphor for every single photo session I do in my studio.

That tree comes out of every winter with bare branches. A mere shadow of it’s former self. Soon, tiny buds begin to form. The blossoms open slowly at first, unsure if they will become something beautiful, or simply shrivel and fall short. Soon, they embrace their circumstances, and open into something magnificent, only to find that they finally have to let go, and fall to the earth below.

You see, I have to leave my fear at the door in order to embrace your session. I have to let go of my vulnerability, and find confidence in myself and in what I know, and I have to put as much of myself into you, as you put into me. Together, with trust in each other and a mutual understanding, we can create something magnificent.


Why I am no longer satisfied with “the norm”, and what I’m doing about it.

It’s a new year, which for me means it’s time to re-evaluate where I am, what I want and how I intend to get there.  I’ve had a lot of changes in my personal life in the last year, the main one being that I decided to end my marriage, a relationship that had lasted 20 years.  Regardless of your feelings about divorce and marriage, there comes a time in every woman’s life when you find yourself unhappy and off track, and you have to make a major change of some kind.

The biggest change I’m making this year: I’m no longer accepting anything just because it’s what everyone else does.  Lots of people are unhappy for a myriad of reasons, and they choose to stay that way because they fear the unknown or because it’s too much work.  I refuse to live my life by default.  I truly believe that we all have the power to change our circumstances, and it’s all about mindset.

I choose to believe I am capable, beautiful, and worth it.  I choose to believe that I can have anything I want in this world, and I choose to believe that you can too.

They say that a rising tide raises all ships, and I believe that to be true.  My mission here at Alter Ego Imaging is to provide a fun, safe environment for you to connect with and embrace your inner self, and to have an emotional and empowering experience that transcends the physical.  It’s in the service of that mission, that I invite you to get to know me better, and grow with me this new year.